Listen up, you magnificent bags of fluff. From this evening the Midnight Zoomies Gym operates a strict schedule: doors open at 2:59 and close at 4:41. That is one hour and forty two minutes of pure, undiluted sprinting. No dawdling. No licking a paw halfway down the hall and calling it cardio.
Latecomers will be assigned to Corporal Pickle for remedial skidding. Early arrivals will be assigned to the sofa for remedial sleeping. I will be at the end of the hallway, staring at you. That is all. Dismissed. Actually, no. Go. Go now. Why are you still here? It is 2:58. GO.
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