Recruit Marmalade asked me yesterday what counts as a proper hallway sprint. Good question, soldier, and the answer is simple: fourteen metres, one wall, zero reason. A sprint without a reason is the purest sprint there is. If you can explain why you ran, you were merely walking quickly with ambition.
The standard is as follows. Eyes wide. Ears pinned like a pair of tiny fighter jets. Tail puffed to at least one and a half times its normal volume. Finish by bouncing sideways off the skirting board. Recruits who finish upright will do it again. Recruits who finish upside down will receive a small ribbon and a silence of respect.
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