Our end of quarter numbers are in, and I read them aloud to the cardboard box on my own, because the staff were asleep. In the third quarter, members completed 9,412 laps, knocked 61 items off shelves, and caused 14 separate household sighs. The average sprint lasted 6.8 seconds. The average aftermath lasted 40 minutes.
Notably, 83 percent of members reported feeling ‘ready for anything’, and 100 percent of those members then fell asleep on the stairs. We consider this a success. Next quarter we aim to increase laps by 12 percent and decrease dignity by roughly the same amount. Targets are published on the fridge.
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